How people find my blog, volume six

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that I used to publish these posts fairly regularly. The last one was well over a year ago, though. I think I told you before that a certain swarm of searchers descends daily on Vocabat like locusts, ravaging the blog and then moving on. These locusts are looking for WORDS. The vast majority of my searches are something to the effect of beautiful/fun/funny/weird/cool/pretty/nice/interesting/cute/great/odd/lovely Spanish words. It got old a long time ago and took the fun out of the searches. Little by little, though, I’ve amassed a few colorful search terms from the past year. Here they are in all their glory, as well as my responses in all their . . . Vocabatness. Some witty readers like to provide even better comebacks (in English and Spanish), and I love it. Give a better response or feel free to invent some better search terms–these posts are all about celebrating Vocabat’s readers and the delightful oddness of the internet.

guinea pig birthday cake – I think it would be OK to give him a few nibbles, yes. Make sure you scrape off the icing first, and make him do thirty extra revolutions on the wheel afterward. Thirty-two for good measure.

guinea pig birthday cake cuy torta ponqué pastel de cumpleaños

guinea pig coffee – If we gave guinea pigs coffee, they would probably take over the world and make the guinea pigs in G-Force look like mere Boy Scouts. And I for one am not ready for that. Fake it if you have to, give him a coffee-like beverage, but don’t let your guinea pig talk you into sharing your cup of joe with him unless you’re ready to accept the consequences.

guinea pig hoarder – If I never get married and become a reclusive spinster, it would be so cliché to become a crazy cat lady. Guinea pig hoarding and obsessing would be much more original! Thanks for the idea; I’ll start constructing my toilet paper tube tunnels and obstacle courses now.

guinea pig sounds what they mean – Played backward, many suspect that they’re the opera that Gabriel García Márquez secretly wrote but never dared to publish.

from what part of colombia they talk a trashy spanisk language – From all parts. Colombian Spanish is the trashiest of the trashiest. They go on and on about how “pure” it is . . . yeah, pure trash. A steaming heap of garbage. I started this blog to get the word out. Don’t fall for the scam!

bone poems – Poems about bones? If anyone wants to write one in the comments, this Internet wayfarer would be most appreciative. Here’s mine: My love for you is like a bone / Slender, porous, breakage-prone.

random things to do in an elevator – Tai chi, watch repair, yodeling.

cheesy perverted pick up lines – A pick-up line is supposed to have the intention (and thus possibility) of actually picking someone up. When they’re cheesy or perverted (and especially cheesy and perverted), they become mere street spam. Just leave us alone, you imbeciles. Stay home and pick up your ferret.

piropos will kill you – Mercy, mercy, me. We’re all in grave danger, then. I need to start carrying around a shield to deflect the daily onslaught.

is piropo a way to flirt or is it an art – An art–an art of death, apparently.

lanky ungraceful men – Don’t have much going for them.

lanky to buff – Unless they accomplish this. Which I’ve seen recently, and wow. Also, I recently learned a word for lanky that you might enjoy: larguirucho.

mommy cat costume – For those who don’t want to be mistaken as going for some sort of sex kitten look. She’ll have you know that she’s dressed as a perfectly dignified, respectable cat matron, thank you very much. 

kitten with a whip

is fea a compliment in spanish – No, but there are women who call their girlfriends fea all the time (not as a greeting, more like an ironic comment on pictures or real life to express that she looks extremely beautiful and that it’s not fair), so there’s no need to get offended in this case. 

i am a couch potato – And this is a Spanish blog with 187 posts. Plop down (odds are you’re probably already in this position), make yourself at home, and join us.

yo samady sam sayingsspanish cartoons carretersfat ginny pigs – Spelling: for the berds!

how to compliment a colombian manbest compliment to give a latina womanhow to compliment a salvadoran male – Could it be that hard?

funny spanish expressions when changing a baby’s diaper – This is about as niche as it gets. Just imagine if I had a blog devoted to this topic. The first time I’ve wished I were changing more diapers–anything for my readers! Let me have a baby, and I’ll get back to you.

do you think i’m not smart? let’s speak my language – I’d like to keep this one in my back pocket. It feels like challenging someone to a duel or using a pocketknife to fight someone with a revolver and then switching. And now I shall shoot you in the heart with my native language and tremendous intellect–take that you big language-oppressive bully!

ocean pigs – I’ve always been afraid of pigs (especially grunting hogs and boars), and I’d always thought the ocean was the one safe place where I could be sure of not being attacked by or menacingly oinked at by one. Thanks a lot.

ocean pigs

you ruined everything – If this is the kind of blog you wanted to have and you wanted to be the first, then, yes, I’m afraid that I did ruin everything. Mwahaha.

i like to spanish – I’m a bit obsessed, myself.

im in love with an idiot – Two separate searches, same location, two different IP addresses–I think these two idjits are gonna be just fine.

hey you two – Hey, leave us alone.

lecherous women – Again, butt out.

what can we do with internet – Anybody? Has anybody ever discovered even one useful thing we can do with internet? I’m at a loss, here.

i want nothing – We can take care of that. Management, see to it right away that this young gentleman gets nothing. Thank you.

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