How people find my blog, volume five

I wrote the other day about wanting to be upfront about my motives for blogging. In addition to the romantic one, there’s another one that I conveniently concealed: I blog for the weird searches that bring people to Vocabat. After a long, hard day full of stress and toil, there’s nothing quite like pouring myself a glass of wine, lying back in a La-Z-Boy and having a good chuckle at the expense of your wacky searches. Let me share some of my favorites from the past few months. One favorite reader likes to post his own responses in Spanish in the comments, so I definitely recommend that you be on the lookout for them. Just don’t you dare tell him (or even think) that he’s funnier than I am; that would be grounds for instant banning of your IP address.

i’m in love with my spanish teacher – THANK YOU. I always knew love would find me again. You can start by leaving me long, fawning comments. Again, THANK YOU. Wait, does this mean you’re not a native Spanish speaker? Hmm, I don’t know. Let me think about this.

i’m in love with a spanish man – THANK YOU. Oh wait, that’s probably not referring to me.

big words that oculd boost your english grade – Just off the top of my head: feckless, prurient, inveigle, mawkish, purloin, williwaw, prig. Not to be used all in the same sentence, of course.

my pragmatic child uses the incorrect verbs, tenses etc incorrectly all the time. how can i get her to remember? i rectify her all the time and she seems to forget every time – Give that little imp a taste of her own medicine and declare: IF I’D TELLED YOU ONCE, I HAS SAY YOU NEVER TIMES– BAD GRAMMAR WOULD NOT BEEN CHLORINATING!!! That oughta rectify the atrocious grammar right out of her little system.

sex or death – Well, you had better give me one or the other.

spanish cartoon characters named steve – Do you have a few minutes? Also, something to write with? You won’t need either.

quiet please! bat sleeping – Is there a zookeeper in the house? And all this time you never said a word!

where did roomney obtain spanish son – I don’t know, but I imagine he’s returned him by now and asked for his money back. A Spanish-speaking son didn’t do diddly squat in helping him court the Latino vote. Now, five Spanish-speaking sons . . .

call me maybepoema de pablo neruda – You’d better get off the internet real quick before you get sued for libel, lady.

would you trust a columbian boyfriend – Hmm. The eternal conundrum. I did and I would, but I don’t know how representative my experience was. A good rule of thumb: trust them as far as you can throw them. If they’re skinny like mine was, that will be quite far.

spanish wiggly accent – Is this the accent children briefly acquire when they have loose teeth and spend most of their time with their hand in their mouth, trying to wiggle them?

you ignorant chile is a country! look it up on map! its next to argentina or you think its food too? – You go, Chilean! Tell all those ignoramuses off via your Google search!

how do u say ‘wot ma favorite word’ in spanish – Pardon me, but it is bad enough to inflict the world with your ignorance in one language; I won’t be an accomplice to you doing it in two.

my love did not read anything about colombia – Now that sounds like a good deal breaker if I ever heard one. Kick his illiterate hiney to the curb!

number of times people in colombia wash cloths – Colombians wash clothes in the spring, cloths in the summer, and clots in the fall. Winter is for rest. It’s a beautiful tradition, let me tell you.

laundry room tattoos – Well, why not? This is where the magic happens, after all.

Washing machine tattoo

bat fuzzy cheeks – are the bane of my existence. I can’t wait to save up enough money to get laser.

best blog to post a comment in spain on how i found my ex love – Yes, pray tell. I’m sure the Spanish are on pins and needles waiting to learn how you found your ex love. Heck, they’ll probably embrace it as a welcome distraction from their current economic woes.

typical culumbian phrase ¡Qué bestia! (Used to describe people who can’t manage to properly spell Colombia. After all the U.S. has done to the region, isn’t this one small courtesy the very least we could do for them?)

saying “take care” instead of bye flirting – And then people wonder why they can’t get a date. Come on, namby-pamby “flirting” like that is for losers. If you had a chance in the first place, you wouldn’t be needing to say goodbye.

what can be a door knob and a four course meal at the same time – A door knob can be a four-course meal? What, for a bucket of corrosive acid? And here I was polishing off my door knobs before they even brought the bread basket.

i am a door knob when it comes to – analogies

something interesting about cien anos de soledad – Pleaseeeeee, something, anything!!!! Fifty bucks for the first person who can tell me one interesting thing about that dull-as-ditchwater book.

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5 responses to “How people find my blog, volume five

  1. I’ve had great search terms lead people to my blog such as: “how to clean and stretch a racoon” and “ungulate whore” but my favorite was “Hall and Oates beef jerky”.
    By the way, bat fuzzy cheeks are sexy.

    Like

    • LOL, thanks for the laugh. And I loved this on your site: 15,167 People who accidentally clicked on this site. Hahaha.

      Really, bat fuzzy cheeks, sexy? Thank you! Maybe there is some hope then, after all.

      Like

  2. i LOVE these posts. nuff said. :P

    Like

  3. Pingback: How people find my blog, volume six | Vocabat

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