Category Archives: Animals

Thinking about getting a tattoo

Tu cuerpo se constela de signos verdes 
como el cuerpo del árbol de renuevos. 
No te importe tanta pequeña cicatriz luminosa: 
mira al cielo y su verde tatuaje de estrellas. – Octavio Paz

Do you have a tattoo? Would you ever consider getting one? What do you think of tattoos? Yea or nay? I like tattoos in theory (though rarely in actuality), and I wish I were brave enough to get one. A beautiful sleeve or something on my upper arm or shoulder or back. It doesn’t fit well with my personality, though. And I like simplicity–white walls, clear surfaces, silence. I’ll live vicariously through other people’s tattoos, then.

Yesterday I learned how to say to get a tattoo in Spanish: hacerse un tatuaje

Ah! I never knew. I knew tatuaje, of course, as well as tatuar/tatuarse. But I didn’t know hacerse un tatuaje. Who knows, maybe I’ll be seized by some perfect line or image someday when I’m in a Spanish-speaking country. Now I’ll know how to tell someone to direct me to the nearest tattoo parlor stat.

You’d think that maybe you could just say tatú for tattoo, but it doesn’t work that way. Tatuaje sounds to me like tattooage, which sounds like how you’d describe the oeuvre of tattoos on a person’s body. Rest assured, though: tatuaje is tattoo, and tatú is, well, an armadillo. At least in the Southern Cone. I remember learning that word from Horacio Quiroga. One time in Medellín, I was with a group of people when one guy walked off for a while. When he came back, he said he’d gone across the street to eat a gurre sandwich. Gurre, as it turned out, is a rural Colombian word for armadillo. An armadillo sandwich? I can’t tell you how glad I am that I wasn’t offered any. Cachicamo is another Colombian way of saying armadillo.

I’ll admit that I don’t understand the grammar in the construction hacerse un tatuaje. It would sound like you’re giving yourself a tattoo, but I implicitly trust that somehow, in some way, it means just what it’s supposed to mean. It reminds me of hacerse un manicure, which is how you say to get a manicure, something I did many, many times in Colombia. Or, me corté el pelo, which is how you say I got a haircut. I don’t understand how these reflexive actions actually refer to someone else doing it to you, but I don’t understand how anything works in English either. Let’s let sleeping dogs lie.

Want a tattoo in Spanish but lack inspiration? Let’s look at a few.

Lo que sea necesario - Whatever it takes

Whatever it takes

I want nothing more than my madness

I want nothing more than my madness

To be happy one must learn to love what they do

To be happy one must learn to love what they do

You have to do everything in excess

You have to do everything in excess

Freedom's slave

Freedom’s slave

It never rains eternally

It never rains eternally

Too much

Too much

Gabriel García Márquez

Gabriel García Márquez

Feel inspired? Ready to get inked up? Nah, me neither. It’s interesting, though, to see what messages people try to immortalize on their bodies. Our bodies are temporary, anyway–why not make it our canvas? If you absolutely had to get a tattoo in Spanish, what line or word would you choose? To put it differently, if someone paid you a million dollars to get a tattoo of something in Spanish, what would you pick and why? Me, hmm. If just a word, maybe ojalá. A phrase? Mm, surely something from Neruda or Cortázar or García Lorca. Or Silvio Rodríguez. You may have, ahem, noticed that I’m a big fan of these people! What about you? Ever hear anything in Spanish so beautiful or so poignant you’d etch it on your body? Maybe this blog is my tattoo–I’m writing things down here because there isn’t room enough on my body. So many beautiful words, so many words full of meaning. Where are you writing things down?

Bat and switch

Well, I decided to not even try with the video. I was up against too much: Google’s incredible anti-copyright detection software. Plus, I just wasn’t in the mood to infringe and infract, even if it was with purely fines educativos. Hell, I don’t even download music or movies! It was just for a language blog. Sigh. Anyway, a continuación, some of the images from that video. Sure, you don’t get to hear their squeaks nor the beautiful Colombian accent of the reporter, but I think their cuteness still comes through. ¡Qué pena, Caracol! Qué conchudez de mi parte.

There was also, heh heh, another very cute bat who once graced this blog. Wish I could remember what her name was!

Cutest bat video ever (!!!!!)

You’ve all clammed up! Am I blogging to an empty room? A void? A mirror? Are the hundred plus daily visits due to nothing more than a pack of hungry spam bots descending on my blog? Hmm. Well, spammers need to learn Spanish, too, I guess. I know, you’re all scrambling for Valentine’s dates. No? OK, it’s just me, then. Well, whatever the mysterious reasons are, you’re all completely entitled to them, of course.

I can’t believe that, given the green light to share about encouraging feedback you’ve gotten on your Spanish, only one person jumped at the chance. It wasn’t about gloating; it was about congratulating ourselves on our hard work and the progress we’ve made. If I were to blog about every time I feel discouraged, annoyed with myself, disheartened, embarrassed, like a failure, as if all were hopeless–! I’d have to write something like twenty posts a day. Instead, I filter out all that negative self-talk, forget the embarrassing episodes, remember the positive feedback, and think of everything I can say and do. And I trudge forward. If I’ve made so much progress in three and a half years and I’ve barely been trying, just imagine where I could be in three more years if I were to ponerme las pilas!

And the last post? Who knows, maybe it just wasn’t your cup of tea. Or maybe you were rendered commentless. I know the feeling; I must read fifty or so blogs via Google Reader and yet only comment on around four. Even my favorite blog whose posts I practically live for and of which I devour every word and then lick the plate clean over and over– I only comment there once in a very blue moon. I can’t very well ask you to comment more and lurk less when I myself am the queen of lurking. I know we all mean well. And sometimes you just need a comment vacation. Silence is golden, eh?

Maybe things have gotten too heady? Well, let’s lighten the mood. How could we have a little fun around here? Hey, I know–a cat video! America’s number one pastime: watching funny cat videos on Youtube! Wait, wait. Cats on a bat site? That won’t do. Wait a minute, wait a minute; what is this I see on the Colombian station Caracol today? A bat video? Unbelievable! Another day in the sun for us chimbilás!

So, I edited the video so you’re only seeing this segment (which was sandwiched between some other news stories) and put it on Youtube. It’s about . . . wait for it . . . a BAT ORPHANAGE in Australia. (Bat World Sanctuary) Pero, ¡qué pecaooo! I absolutely promise you, you have never seen bats looking so adorable. (Not even this one) They’re bundled up in little blankets, drinking milk from bottles, squeaking, crawling, and everything. Plus, you can listen to a Colombian accent. What’s not to love?

There used to be a Youtube video here-- waaaaaahhhh

There used to be a Youtube video here– waaaaaahhhh

If this doesn’t warm your hearts, I don’t know what would. I could also create some Lolbats images (I can has inzects?), but I don’t want to try too hard to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Comments or no comments, you know I’ll keep blogging about Spanish and keep inviting you to enjoy along with me. Thanks for reading, friends.

Update: The video got blocked! (copyright infringement, whoops) Noooooo. Qué bruta. Come on, Caracol, not even for a language blog that only sings the praises of Colombian speech and culture? It’s not like I’m making any money here. Hmm. Well, I’ll work on it. This bat is nothing if not recursiva. No time to fix it now, though. Maybe in a few hours.

Cloaca

In his comment on my last post, Daniel (commenter extraordinaire, though he is always so kind as to comment in Spanish, so you may have missed it) reminded me that gross things are almost always more palatable when we’re talking about them in our second language. Whereas he could read about eye goop/gunk/crust/crud/etc. without any problem, the mere thought of the word lagaña turned his stomach. And vice versa. The word lagaña rolls off me like water off a duck’s back–I believe I may have even described it as “elegant”–but all of its English equivalents are pretty revolting. We just don’t have an ear for our second languages, and it’s unlikely we ever will.

Still, I wasn’t ever trying to say that lagaña sounds pretty or anything. I just like that there is one word for it, and that word doesn’t mean anything else. It’s to-the-point, non-graphic, and just seems more mature somehow.

Another example: cloaca

It means sewer. I don’t remember how I learned this word, but it was in Colombia, and for some reason I also associate this word with the Ninja Turtles, even though I have never been into them. Alcantarilla is a much more common word for sewer, but I remember cloaca catching my attention because . . . wait for it . . . I just found it kind of, well, pretty. It flows so nicely off the tongue, doesn’t it? That beautiful cl sound. It kind of has the same ring to it as my favorite word in English: colloquial. I imagine that any native Spanish speaker would tell me to get my head checked, but maybe that guy would turn around and tell me that sewer sounds like poetry to him. Let’s nobody judge.

Tapa de alcantarilla, Bogotá

I got to thinking about cloacas because yesterday I learned something profound– the word cloaca also exists in English, specifically in the field of zoology. Do you know what a cloaca is? Without going into too many unsavory details, a cloaca is the posterior hole that all amphibians, birds, reptiles, and egg-laying mammals have through which they do their business (both kinds) and have sexual relations. A lot of people find the idea of cloacae disgusting, but I can’t say that I do. I’m not squeamish. It’s just . . . different. And thus, interesting.

Anyway, isn’t it fascinating how the name of that orifice is the same as one of the words for sewer in Spanish? Apparently, the word comes from Latin, and means sewer. This was derived from cluō which meant cleanse. In fact, cloaca also means sewer or privy in English, but good luck finding a layperson who knows that. Another one of cloaca’s meanings in Latin was the stomach of a drunken or voracious woman. Good to know–I d0n’t know what I’d been calling it all these years.

Are there any words in Spanish that, despite their nasty meanings, you can’t help but be drawn to because you think they sound pretty? And, Spanish natives, are there any words in English you think are beautiful despite them meaning something really wretched? I can only think of cloaca at the moment, but I know I have many more. Also, vice versa! Beautiful, lovely things that you think have the most horrid names. I’m sure we could come up with quite a list.

Lagañas y mocos

I wrote yesterday that I love words. Well, usually. I also love efficiency, so it can be a little maddening when one thing has ten thousand different names. There are also certain subjects that are so unsavory that the less that is said about them, the better. If you’re describing something beautiful and poetic, then let the synonyms abound! Write flowery, circumlocutory sentences that dance around the lovely subject without ever saying its name outright till the cows come home; if the subject is an unpalatable one, though, just cut to the chase, call a spade a spade, and move on. Sometimes endless euphemisms just drag things out and make everything worse. Out with it, already!

Case in point: lagaña

A patient today was describing her eye problems to the provider, and she mentioned that her eyes had been producing a lot of lagaña. I recognized the word right away, but all of the English terms coming to me were far too childish or gross to say in a medical setting.

Sandman?

Eye booger?

Eye gunk?

I finally went with eye goop, feeling disgusting as I said it. Why can’t we have a simple, elegant and non-evocative term like lagaña in English?

The original Mr. Sandman

The original Mr. Sandman

When the provider asked about it, she said sleep and crust. Now that I’m home and have looked it up, I see that the technical term is rheum. I’ve also seen dozens of other colloquial ways to say it in English, and I’m feeling more disgusted than ever. I think Spanish wins hands down for having the most succinct, innocuous and adult term. To be fair, sleep is pretty elegant as well, although it’s not quite as clear as lagaña. I’ll probably say sleep next time.

Since we’re on the subject, I might as well tell you that the reason I know the word lagaña (which, by the way, is legaña in Spain) is because of a popular phrase in Colombia: no ser cualquier lagaña de mico. (To not be a monkey’s eye booger; in Colombia, mico= monkey.)

Lagañas on a Colombian black spider monkey

Lagaña de mico = a nobody, nothing, something small and insignificant, something laughable, thus no ser cualquier lagaña de mico (or no ser ninguna lagaña de mico) = it’s nothing to be sneezed at; to be no laughing matter, no mean feat, something to be taken lightly.

Los humanos no somos sino una lagaña de mico teniendo en cuenta los 4.500.000.000 años que tiene la tierra.

We humans are just a drop in the bucket considering the 4.5 billion years that the Earth has existed.

1,000,000 visitas en tan solo un año no es cualquier lagaña de mico.

1,000,000 visits in just one year is nothing to sneeze at.

Why a monkey’s lagaña? Wouldn’t something like a hummingbird’s lagaña or a ladybug’s lagaña drive the point home even better? I really couldn’t tell you, but I’d like to think that there’s a story there.

Poking around a bit on the internet, I see that an equivalent of this phrase in many countries is (no) ser moco de pavo. To (not) be turkey snot. To (not) be a turkey’s booger. Um, how delightful. Which then reminds me of another phrase I’ve always enjoyed (I swear it’s the last one!): estar más perdido que un moco en una oreja. To be more lost than a booger that’s somehow wound up in an ear. I think that one’s Colombian, too. Isn’t the imagery great? I mean, so gross, but so explicit and vivid. All right, one, two, three–let’s all go wash our hands.

What can I say? It’s not just sugar and spice and all things nice when learning another language–sometimes you have to get your hands dirty and learn how to say the icky stuff, too. Do you know how to?